Torn.

I'm falling for someone. I didn't plan this. It isn't because of "the arrangement." It happened despite the open relationship, not because of it.

I still love Mr. Nice Guy. My feelings haven't really changed. When we are together it still feels good. But, when I am with OMFG...life makes sense. I lose my breath, I'm happy, we fit.

How did this happen? We were friends. For a long time. And I think the feelings were brewing at the surface. And then, one day, they exploded. It happened so fast I didn't know what was going on. Before I knew it, we had crossed that line. It went from a "Friends with Benefits" situation to a "I might be in love with you" situation.

I laid in bed with him, with my head on his chest, breathing him in. I love to run my hands up and down his chest and listen to the beat of his heart. He makes me laugh. We come up with the craziest things to laugh about. And when he looks at me, the world stops spinning.

So, what do I do now. Leaving Mr. Nice Guy is not an option. He has been nothing but good to me and I love him.

I know its too late to say this, but I'm not a bad person. I could be your sister, your daughter, your friend. I am likeable, smart and usually I make good decisions. My heart made this decision before my head had a chance to say no. Writing this is painful and difficult. Until now, I have avoided really thinking about the repercussions and avoided having a ton of guilt. "We have an open relationship," I said. "I'm not doing anything wrong."

Either decision I make people are going to be hurt. And it's all my fault. Part of me wants to stay in limbo and not have to choose. But, I know in the end I will have to.

I'm at home now, with Mr. Nice Guy. He is in bed, thinking all is right with the world. I am sitting here, aching in my heart to be with OMFG. I want him to hold me.

I'm torn.