Closure.

I had lunch with The Ex yesterday. It wasn't something I had planned. I was on facebook, and read through another friends status that he had moved to MY city. I was a little upset. Ok, more than a little upset. It brought up feelings and memories I had long since forgotten. I started remembering things and it wasn't fun. I didn't like him being here.

I talked to Mr. Nice Guy and explained that The Ex had moved into town. He said, "Of course he did." I asked him what he meant by that and he said it doesn't surprise him because he can't let me go.

I decided to contact The Ex via facebook and see what was going on. He said that he and his girlfriend had split, they have a baby together now, and he had no where else to go. He had friends that live in my city, so he was living with him.

There are several issues with this situation. First, the man is 35 years old. He can't live on his own?!?!? Even though he and his girlfriend split you'd think he could afford an apartment. Nuh uh. No money and he quit his job. Second issue, the friends he is living with here? They were OUR friends when we were a couple. AWKWARD! *sigh* I soooo made the right decision leaving him.

Again, it amazes me I was with this man for seven freaking years! He is intelligent, but with no drive at all, so the smarts go to waste. I worked my way through college and am damn proud of my degree. When we met he was in the Air Force and doing quite well. For the last 5 years he has been a fast food manager. Wow, that is so sad. I told him I had some things I would like to talk to him about, and asked if we could meet for coffee. He agreed.

I hadn't seen him in the 2 years since our divorce. He looked like hell. His clothes were worn out and a mess, he looked older, and sad. Part of me was happy to see this. Despite the craziness of my current love triangle, I'm really really happy now. And it shows. The opposite seemed true for him.

We talked for a couple of hours about his situation now, and I offered my advice. We also discussed our relationship and the aftermath of it. I told him that the things he did to me still affect me now. That sometimes, when I am with Mr. Nice Guy, he will do something to me jokingly, or say something and I lose my marbles. I fall to pieces and cry. And it's his fault. He made me that way. I remember when The Ex and I were out with our friends, if I said something jokingly or otherwise that he didn't like, he would put me in a headlock. And smile and laugh with our friends. Only, he wasn't joking. He was really choking me in front of them and they didn't know it. I knew it. It was a warning. He was saying, "Don't cross that line, Nik. Or I'll do it for real." I had forgotten he used to do that until Mr. Nice Guy and I were play wrestling one day and he put me in a headlock. He wasn't using pressure, he was truly kidding around. I had a panic attack. I started to cry and hyperventilate. Mr. Nice Guy felt terrible. He didn't do anything wrong and it took me a minute to be able to explain what happened. It was that hijacked feeling all over again.

I told this story and a few others to The Ex. And you know what? I think he genuinely felt remorse. He said he thinks about what he did to me every day. And now that he has a daughter, he imagines what it would be like if someone did those things to her and it makes him sick. As it should. I am someone's daughter and I can tell you it took my Father every ounce of restraint he has not to kill The Ex after I told him what happened. The Ex apologized. For everything. He named out things he did to me and told me how sorry he was. And that every day he thinks about me and knows that letting me get away, and not going to counseling to solve his anger issues, is the biggest mistake of his life.

I believe him. He doesn't have anything to gain now from telling me that. He knows I am with Mr. Nice Guy and I am a different person now. He could see it. And I see it. I have closure. I think I can close that chapter now and continue moving forward. It feels good.