Singledom.

So, I went on a casual first date last night. He was cute, conversation flowed easily enough, and I was seeing a second date on the horizon.

Then his (ex?) girlfriend showed up.

"How could you do this to me?!?" "Lets go outside and discuss this. I broke up with you."
"No! You said you love me. That you'd love me forever! What about my kids???"
Kids! She has kids! I felt like I had suddenly walked into an episode of Maury.
I was so entranced that for a minute I continued to sip my Diet Coke with Lime and watch with faint amusement. It was a spectacle, for sure.

When she started hyperventilating, I exited the restaurant.

Fuck me, this is why I will be single forever.

Perspective

Life can change in an instant.

This should be everyone in the world's motto after today. What a crazy thing to happen to Japan with the earthquake, tsunami, and their after affects.

My thoughts are with them.

In the last year, I feel as though I have really tried to live my life in a way that makes me happy. It's odd to think that this has to be a conscious decision. But, it does. I have worked through to many things and learned to really enjoy my life. The only thing I did that I regret doing, is give up the blog. I can't do that again. It means to much to write. I like pouring my feelings out on the page. It's therapy for me.

Relationships of any kind are work. Eclectic Listener and I have a fantastic relationship. We are not "together." But, he is my best friend and I love him with all my heart. I am so thankful for that. He is so different from anyone I have ever met. A true loner, but one who cherishes the people he trusts enough to let in. In some ways, I feel for him because he is so guarded. I thought I was guarded, but it turns out that I just need to know you can be trusted, then I will open up. It isn't the same for him. He would open up to me in some big way and then would back off from talking to me for days. I don't even know if he did it consciously, but it was as though he had to take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. It could be incredibly frustrating, but the reward of getting to know such an interesting and genuine person was worth it. I haven't gotten to know someone as well as I now know him in a long time, if ever.

I have entered, for the first time, the world of online dating. Adventures to follow.

I will leave you with this, "After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh." -Mr. Big

That's what I am looking for. My partner in crime who can make me laugh.

Many Happy Returns.

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite people, Eclectic Listener.

It isn't very often that you meet someone that you just sync with. Someone who understands who you are, with faults, and accepts you. Eclectic Listener gets me in a way no one has before. He is the first person to tell me that I don't see the world like everyone else. I tell him things I don't tell anyone else. Strange habits I have like taking a nice hot shower, enjoying every second of it, only to turn the cold to full blast right before I get out. I told him I think its good for my pores. He laaaaauuuughed, so hard. And said, "Why would you ruin a perfectly good shower?!"

I went to his house on Monday. We hadn't seen each other in awhile. Life has caused some changes in our relationship, but we are still in a good place. We were listening to music on his bed. First, Massive Attack. Talked through the whole album. Then, Goldfrapp. Talked and laughed through another album. Last, the Stay soundtrack. I think it was during that one that he touched me.

His hand found my breast. The touch was reserved because of our absence, but not unfamiliar. I smiled, enjoying the tender touch. His hand travelled up my shirt, and I touched the side of his face and kissed him. Hard. And deep.

Sometimes, I'm afraid no one will ever kiss me again the way he does. It is the exact amount of passion, control, and wetness that I want in a kiss. Once we get into a kissing rhythm, even of our hands are tending to other needs, the kiss will take over. Our hands find the backs of our heads and we are lost. Kissing so deep until I have to pull away and say, "Mmm."

I removed his pants to suck his dick. His body responded to our kiss exactly how I wanted. His perfect thick cock was hard and ready. He loves my blow jobs and I knew this was what he was waiting for. I licked up and down the sides until it was thorough wet. My mouth had been watering in anticipation of this. I sucked the head of his cock and he gasped and groaned. His hand found the back of my head and guided it, up and down the shaft of his dick. Precum was filling my mouth and I greedily lapped it up.

I stopped sucking and kissed him again hard, ran my hands down his chest and started sucking again, feverishly. You could hear the wetness of my mouth and occasional near gag from the size of him. He was thrusting into my face and I loved it.

Eventually I straddled him, relishing being on top and in control. He sucked on my pierced nipples, intensifying my pleasure. I leaned back and rocked back and forth until it became too much and I had to lean down into him, still grinding against him. "Cum baby. Cum on my cock." That was all it took. I moaned and moaned. My muscles tightened against him and he cried out in pleasure. And I came. In a way only he can make me.

Happy Birthday indeed.

Hiatus.

The Blog is back bitches.

Letter.

What do you feel when we kiss? Is it mundane? I think not, judging by your moans and whispers. Is it only so so? Is it inconsequential among the kisses of your past? Some stolen. Others sweet.

What do you feel when we touch? When you touch me? Do you feel the electricity flowing through our bodies as I do? Do you feel breathless and wanted and alive? When we are together I don't doubt the chemistry for a second. When we are apart I feel unsure of where we stand. Where I stand with you. Do you feel anything for me? Or just "something"? Do I just fill your time and give you someone to fuck? Or is there more to it than that?

In the beginning, it was just fucking for me. It grew into more. You became my friend. And a confidant. I realized I enjoyed TIME with you. Not just sex. And the sex got better. The connection grew stronger. The last time we were together, alone, I felt my body become alive at your touch. It was so personal. It's not just sex. It's not a relationship. And, I'm good with that. I just want to know if my senses are lying to me.

When we are together I have no doubt.

When we are apart, there are questions.

HNT. Waiting.

I saw Eclectic Listener today. We made plans for Sunday.

I took a little shopping trip for panties to wear for him. It turned me on, the thought of buying something for him to enjoy. What got this little adventure started was him making a comment about how he likes thongs. Which, surprised me because I have asked his opinion of what he would like me to wear before, and he never mentioned this. So, I went shopping. I bought two new thongs and two new hipster panties. (my personal favorite)

He definitely knows how to make me smile. I hope these put a smile on his face.

Taken.

I didn't know how much I had missed him until I saw him again. It was difficult for me to look him in the eyes the first few minutes we were together because I was afraid he would see right through me, and know what looking at him did to me. The few times our eyes did lock, I felt my body tighten up and I gasped a little. It's the kind of intense attraction that doesn't happen very often. I am not sure anyone has had this kind of power of me. I'm not sure power is the right word, but the response my body has to him is second to none.

We stood and talked by his bar for a while. I knew I wanted to kiss him, but we both like buildup and anticipation so I wasn't sure how long I should wait. Honestly, I wanted to kiss him the second I saw him. He had gotten a haircut. I love his hair. It's naturally blond, but has started to go grey. It suits him. The grey hair blends down his sideburns into a perfectly maintained beard. The beard was new. I loved it. He always had a goatee, which looked great on him, but something about the beard suited his face. It took everything in me not to grab his shirt and pull him to me and kiss him.

About thirty minutes had gone by and we were talking and laughing. We are always laughing. He reached across me for something and turned toward me and kissed me. It was unexpected. I felt the effects of that kiss all the way down to my toes. A tingling sensation ran down my spine and I lost control of my senses. All I knew was I wanted his tongue to continue to swirl inside my mouth and feel his hands on my skin.

We went back to talking and watching something on his computer. He lightly grazed his hand up and down my back. This small gesture felt like electricity pulsing through my skin. It was difficult to concentrate. After what seemed like a lifetime, but was probably just another twenty minutes, he turned to me and kissed me again. His hands pulled me to him tightly, I grabbed the back of his head. We were kissing so deeply, so passionately. I sucked his tongue into my mouth and then bit his lower lip. He pulled my shirt down and grabbed at my breasts, moving his lips from my mouth to my neck. I was moaning. He was moaning as he kissed me. "Let's move this to the bedroom," he said.

I laid on the bed and waited for him. He slid in beside me and I couldn't even wait for him to get settled before kissing him again. At once, the kissing was furious and needed. His hand slid down my shorts and rubbed against my mound. I kissed him harder and moved my hips against his hand.

My shorts and panties came off and I felt his expert fingers rubbing against my clit. I was so wet and my moaning was out of control. Just when I thought I would cum, he would move his fingers inside me and I would buck against them. Then, they would move back to the clit. Eventually, he let me cum. But, that didn't stop him from fingering me. He just put his fingers back inside me until I came again. My breathe was heaving. "Are you alright?" he asked. I smiled and managed a "Mmhmm." He licked my wetness from his fingers. That has to be the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life.

I kissed my way down his chest and removed his shorts. I gasped when I saw his dick. I gasp every time. I can't help it. It's so big and hard, how could you not gasp? I started licking up and down the shaft, his precum tasted so good, I wanted more. I took all of him in and moaned with him in my mouth. I felt his hand on the top of my head. I continued to get his dick nice and wet before taking him in again. His other hand found my pussy and started fingering me. I responded by whimpering while bobbing my head up and down on his cock. I love going down on him. That, combined with him fingering was almost too much pleasure. My mouth was so incredibly wet, and sucking him in as far as it could. His body started to convulse and I was still whining and moaning from him pumping his fingers in and out of me. "I have to be inside you," he said. I laid down next to him and said, " I have been on my knees long enough."

He positioned himself between my legs and slid into me. I inhaled sharply and let out a guttural "Ooooh." I heard him mutter "Mmmm." The pleasure was so intense, we were monosyllabic at this point. His cock felt so big and hard inside me. I tightened around him, wanting to feel more. He leaned down to me and said, "Damn baby, you're so tight." And then he kissed me. Deeply. While still thrusting inside me. Even thinking about this now gives me butterflies.

His body continued pounding into mine until he said,"I'm going to cum. Do you want it in your mouth?" I grabbed his hands and pulled him back into me and he came immediately. His whole body shuddered. I smiled between my moans. I love the look on his face when he cums. It looks so relaxed, masculine, and fucking sexy.

It was by far the best sex of my life.