It is now Spring. Spring is such a transition where everything blossoms, and goes from being dull, grey, and lackluster to beautiful and in full bloom.
It is the season of change.
I am personally making big changes. I am trying to decide what to do about the Mr. Nice Guy situation. I feel like this is the most difficult decision I have ever had to make. When I left The Ex, I knew I was ready to leave him and that it was the right thing to do. Mr. Nice Guy is such a good guy, that making this decision is anything but easy. I don't want to divulge too many details, but I am not seeing him in the same light anymore. He is being very irresponsible and it is emasculating him to me. I want a manly man. I am feminist, and it is my right to say that that is what I want. I want a man who can make decisions and be a partner to me.
Is that too much to ask?
In relationships, When is Enough, Enough?
I know that relationships have seasons, just like life. And sometimes there are long winters you have to endure to get to the spring. You get that sense of renewal of your love. I don't feel that way anymore. I was talking to him the other day and I said, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."
I have never had to say anything to him that was so harsh and crude. But, it needed to be said. I believe in total honesty and I want him to know how the situation is making me feel.
It's not a sexy or fun thing to do. But, it's real.
How long do I hold on and hope for him to change? How long do I wait for my feelings to change?
I may never be IN love with him again.
This makes me terribly sad. We have gone from being such a happy couple to this in such a short time. I don't know how it happened. I want to work through it, but you can't force yourself to be in love.
So, for now, I am going to enjoy Spring. I am going to let myself blossom into something beautiful.
2 comments:
Wow. A lot of conflicting emotions. I think your adoration of Spring parallels your feelings for MNG. I think your gut is telling you it's not going to work, but your feelings toward him make you second guess yourself. I think your total transparency with him vis a vis your feelings is absolutely the right way to go. From that honesty, you will find the answers you want and need. To be totally trite, honesty many times can feel like that dull, dry branch of the tree. But if you are patient enough, it will blossom and be well worth the wait.
Developing the feelings, one way or another seems to be the easy part . . . it's verifying them and acting on them that's much more difficult, I think. All I can suggest is pondering it a bit, and then moving forward with whatever decision you feel is the best one for you.
XO
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