Conflict.

Things are a little disconcerting to me.

I'm in quite the predicament. I love Mr. Nice Guy. Don't get me wrong, I do. He is sweet and kind, compassionate, loyal, smart, funny, all the things I want in a man.

Here's the thing--I realize life, and relationships, have seasons. You go through times of challenge and you come out of them stronger. Sometimes you're so close to one another you really almost feel like one person. And other times its as though you live on separate planets. Well, right now we are somewhere in the middle. When we are together, things are good. I have fun and feel relaxed and have that overwhelming Iloveyousomuchithurts feeling on the inside. But, I don't feel the need to be with him so much anymore. Is this normal? Am I bored? Or both?

I find myself doing more things on my own. Part of me thinks this is healthy because when I got out of the relationship with The Ex, I kind of fell into a relationship with Mr. Nice Guy. I was so afraid of losing him I think I jumped before I was really ready to be in a relationship. I needed time. Time to figure out who I wanted to be. The Ex stole part of me. I had to find part of myself before I had the courage to leave him, and find the rest of me once he wasn't in the picture. And the thing is, its hard to reconcile who the hell you are when you spent most of your twenties with someone who told you exactly who he didn't want you to be.

The Ex was famous for pointing out my flaws, insulting me, and telling me to shut the fuck up at least 3 times a day. The person I was when I met him would NEVER have put up with that. But the person I became did. So, I needed time after The Ex to somehow mesh early 20's, bubbly, effervescent me with late 20's, educated, and post-abuse me. It's so strange, I don't know how to explain it. I feel like I don't know the girl I was for seven years. I look back at when we were together and I literally don't recognize myself. I looked and acted completely different. And the change is not complete. I am still finding out who I am. I think Mr. Nice Guy understands that.

We had a long talk the other night about how I want to continue to grow as a person and finish what I started after The Ex. His only fear was me leaving him behind. Which is not something I intend to do. I just want to leave this decade of my life knowing that I learned something and the time I spent with The Ex wasn't a complete waste.

It's hard to come out of a long relationship like that and see past the failures. You tried to love someone and make it work with them, and it didn't work. So, was the time a waste? Or can something be gained through all the time and pain?

It was not a complete failure. I appreciate who I am now, and I will never be her again.

Life.

Spent good couple time with my significant other last night. It was nice. I cooked for him, which I love because besides sex, cooking is my great passion. And he loved it too, because he saw I was having fun in the kitchen and he got to enjoy great food.

I asked him if he wanted to make out. I was kind of being silly. We went to bed and he started kissing me and it made me sad that it wasn't going anywhere. He would kiss, and it felt good, and his hands would travel up and down my sides, but he wasn't "trying" anything. I made the decision not to initiate. We probably kissed a good thirty minutes before he FINALLY touched my ass. I moaned, to let him know I approved and then he moved his hand between my legs and fingered me.

And for the first time in a while, it felt really good. I kinda thought my clit had died. I wasn't feeling as much as I used to. But there it was!!! YAY! He couldn't get me to O though. So we decided to have sex doggy style and I would finish myself. Not the way I hoped the evening would go, but I digress.
At least I got some action.

And, I am hoping for some today. From OMFG. We shall see.

Round Two

OMFG came over for some more fun when I had time off from work. I was excited to see him seeing as the first time was amazing and it was THE FIRST TIME. It only gets better right?

Well, we both hoped that it would only get better. And we were correct.

We cuddled at first. He smells so good. The perfect mix of him and some kind of manly cologne. Whatever it is, I'm sold. I laid there with my head on his chest and breathed him in. I started to run my hand up the inside of his shirt. He kissed me. Slowly moving his mouth to mine. His tongue found the inside of my mouth and swirled around. I let out a little moan and moved my hand further up his shirt. He lifted it off and I was able to kiss to his neck. He let out the same groan that got me going last time. I kissed my way down to his pants. I stopped to kiss along his hipbones.

There is something I love about the hipbones of a man. I can't put my finger on it, but they are so effing sexy its ridiculous. His are ticklish. I found my way there and kissed and licked and lightly sucked. He was squirming. Now he knows how he makes me feel!!

The pants came off and there it was. A perfectly erect dick. LOVE IT. His dick feels so smooth...I can't quite explain it. I know I have said before that someone had a perfect dick, but I was wrong. This is it. The length is perfect. I almost can't fit it in my mouth, but somehow I do. And its wide enough that it's almost difficult to moan with him in my mouth, but somehow I do.

Did I mention I love blow jobs?

I started out licking it like a Popsicle. He was already groaning. I knew it was going to be good. I licked it up and down a few minutes and on one of the passes up, I went down and put the whole thing in my mouth. All I heard from him was, "Ooooooh." In the deepest possible tone. I looked at him, "Do you want me to stop? You don't like it." He looked at me incredulously and said, "I hate it." I smiled and looked him in the eye and put that glorious cock back into my mouth.

He does all of the things that I think make BJ's so fantastic. First, he moans. You like it when we do it so PLEASE return the favor. Second, he moves my hair out of my face so he can watch me do it. That's hot. Third, when he gets really into it, he grabs my hair and follows the rhythm of my head. And bucks his hips. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. Makes the blow job sooooo much more fun.

I stopped, I didn't want him to cum in my mouth, well ok I did. But I was afraid that would mean we would have to wait to fuck. Of course I wanted him to cum in my mouth what am I saying? So, I started kissing his chest again and he told me to get on my back. He wasted no time in putting his head between my legs and once again made me putty. I remember nothing but a sweet, sweet orgasm. Again he transitioned immediately into sex. His hips met mine in a way I have never felt and am not sure I will feel again. We were sweating and thrusting until he came.

What I loved most about this sex session was what happened next. After cuddling a bit he came at me with a ferocity I have never seen. He kissed me hard. Grabbed my breast, sucked my nipple and fucked me.

I felt something else then too, but I'm not ready to discuss it.

Unexpected.

Life is a strange fickle thing. I thought that I was done with this blog and I realized I missed it. I know that I didn't really use it long, but I'm not done exploring my sexuality as you will see.

I fell in love. Madly. Love is such a strange thing. it comes at you and you don't know its going to happen and all of the sudden there you are. Right in the middle of it. I love the way he makes me feel. The way he looks at me, like the the only girl in the world. Like I'm all that matters. But as in all relationships, the new wears off. At first, infatuation takes over. After a while it fades and you move into the deeper stuff. Knowing someone on a level that really only the two of you understand.

We were there. Still are. But things are changing, our relationship is evolving and we hit a crossroads. Do you make it work together and maybe alter your relationship permanently to make that possible? Or do you go your seperate ways? We voted to alter the relationship. So, now I am in an open relationship.

For the most part, I think this is a great idea and something that would work for alot more couples if they tried it. The thing is cheating ends relationships. We all know this. I am not a cheater. Never have been. But after being with one person for so long its impossible to not miss the touch of a new hand. And to see someone's excitement when YOU touch them the first time. I think its human nature. So, we are experimenting with allowing each other to have sex with other people as long as there is no emotional involvement.

I have only tried it once so far and it felt really good. I came home and it was like it never happened. We didn't discuss it. But it did happen. And we'll never be the same.

That's hard to say. It won't be the same. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but you can't go back. You can't pretend you didn't have sex with another person. You did. It happened.

I told him about the blog and joked that his nickname would be OMFG. Because it's that good. But I wasn't completely serious. He kinda got sold on the idea...so for now OMFG it is. I may change it later though. He met me at the house. He looked cute in his unassuming way. I like that about him. At first glance, he is decent looking but if you look harder he has kind eyes and a great smile. We sat down and talked for a minute and he ran his hands up and down my arm while looking into my eyes. He was already affecting me. We kissed. Slowly. Then deeper as I grabbed the back of his head and ran my hands through his hair. His hand went for my breasts and I gasped. It felt so good. It was new to him. After a few minutes I said, "You know something great about this shirt?" "What's that?" he asked. "It's removable." And I lifted it over my head revealing my bra to him. We kept kissing and I went for his neck and he moaned. I'm not used to being with a guy who moans. It was nice to know he liked it. While I was kissing and sucking his neck he unhooked my bra.

Immediately his mouth moved between my breasts kissing and sucking my nipples. I was putty. Melting. Moaning. I couldn't control myself. I know it sounds crazy but its a little blurry after that. I know I was naked. FAST. And he went down on me. I remember him quickly hooking his arms around my legs, positioning his face against my pussy and licking it. It was amazing. By far the best oral I have ever had. He started out slow. Licking my clit. My hips bucked against him. He went faster, flicking his tongue in all the right places. I was moaning so loud it was embarrassing. And I came.

He immediately slid into position and pushed his perfect cock inside me. I groaned. It felt so good. There was so much tension and passion built up that we were immediately fucking. Like sweating, thrusting hard, moaning, fucking. It was amazing. He had me bend over and he entered me from behind. I thought I was going to die.I was panting. They rhythm was perfect. You can't fake rhythm. Then he laid me back down and put his hands on my shoulders and thrust into me. Hard. Over and Over. I was moaning. He was moaning. And we came together which never happens.

I'm addicted.